I first want to be clear that this is not and never has been a dating blog. In its most formal title it can be dubbed a lifestyle blog and in its truest form it is the true adventures of a Sunny California girl dropped in this strange country of Brooklyn.

That being said, for the next 365 days I am going to be blogging about my non-dates. Each night I don’t go on a date I am blogging about all the reasons I am not going on dates. This can be anything from my slightly OCD personality (put away that shocked face, you know me), to my projection of how Black men struggle with a successful Black female in a position of influence (I know, I know…so cliche). There is a reason I’m not dating and a reason I have not dated seriously in 365 days so it’s worth spending the next 365 days doing one of two things: either getting into a relationship or figuring out what’s stopping me or what needs to be put in for me to be in a serious relationship.

My end goal in life: to be married with children.

My game starts tomorrow so in the meantime I’ll give you a little history so you can get caught up on what I’m up to in life and what has occurred over the past year. I broke up with my boyfriend, you know, the one I thought I would marry and have children with. The last relationship I was ever supposed to be in ended a little over a year ago. Crash and burn,

Months of heartache. A slight crush that ended in nothing. Months of soul searching. A summer fling. A fantasy come true. The here and now.

You’re all caught up so now I invite you to take this journey with me over the next year while I either start dating again or really drill down to all the reasons I’m not dating.

Love Always,

Sunny

Life is no longer like a box of chocolates, I seem to now always know exactly what I’m going to get. I’m going to get a slightly different version of the first I’ve been chasing.

I watch a lot of Criminal Minds- it’s my all time favorite Criminal show currently and one of the things Special Agent Hodge said in Season Five- episode 12 is that we spend an incredible amount of time in life searching for that first high once again. Not a literal high necessarily but that feeling you got when it was the first. The feeling of pure joy, exuberance and newness that a first brings and that which can never be reproduced.  No matter how hard we try or not matter how many times we try to reproduce it, until at long last we look up and are faced with the realization that that thing now possesses us.

Think back to that first and really look at whether you are chasing the figurative high of that first moment:

1. Your first kiss

Whether it’s the first kiss of your life or the first kiss in your relationship you will never forget the moment your lips met for the first time and all else fell away. Every time after that, no matter how wonderful the kiss is, it’s just another kiss among many. You continue kissing and packing new meaning behind each kiss but you are always kissing a little harder, lingering a little longer in hopes that one day that next kiss might feel like the first all over again.

2. Your first Communion or the first time you accept Jesus into your heart

It’s a moment of pure ecstasy. In that moment you are clear and making a choice for the first time in life to walk with the Lord. It is at this moment as others are celebrating around you and you are celebrating within that you feel closest to Jesus. You are on the brink of a new beginning and all is suddenly right with the world. In this first moment your faith has not been tested, your patience has not been tried, your beliefs have not wavered. It’s a moment you can not get back although many people try. Time and time again we see people down at the altar working to reproduce that first moment. Accepting Jesus for a third, fourth, umpteenth time- even sometimes going to different churches in an effort to clean the slate and have that first moment back.

3. Your First House

I spent the weekend with a friend who just bought their first house and it was amazing to experience that first vicariously through them. Never again will you be able to recreate the moment when you solidify your future in such a way as buying a piece of land. That first house has a completely different feel to it as you sleep each night knowing that it is yours, you are the captain of this brand new ship. Suddenly it matters whether people take their shoes off before walking on your carpet. You cringe as the movers hit the wall taking your furniture upstairs because you care about the knicks in the wall. The high of buying your first house can not be reproduced although people try along the course of life, buying something bigger, bolder, newer in an effort to once again feel the thrill of that first house.

4. Your First Time

It’s no secret the amount of build-up there is toward your first time. If you’re a woman you want it to be romantic, there are visions of candles and soft music and just the right of love flowing through the air. If you’re a man you have a vision of being able to last at least two good pumps. No matter that it doesn’t measure up in your head to anything you thought it would be, what is clear is that you will never forget your first. Throughout the years of lovemaking it will get better, you will triumph over the early and awkward moments of  joining your body with another. What won’t get better, what you’ll end up always chasing is that moment of realizing that this one act, done for the first time, took you into a brand new territory you’ve never entered. You are forever changed, never to go back and that’s the feeling of the first you end up chasing.

5. Your first love

For me it was the summer before my senior year of college when I realized I was in love for the first time. I remember it was like the feeling of slipping on a warm pair of gloves and having them warm you in every way without even having to think about the job they are doing. Before falling in love for the first time I always wondered what it would be like and how would I know. Would it be like the love I have for my mother and father, that familiar and worn love that comes as natural as breathing? Would it be like the love I have for butterflies where I just want to see more of them and know everything there is to know about them? Or would it be something different? Something entirely new? It ended up being something different, something entirely new and I have been in love many times since then but nothing can replicate the moment I realized I was in love for the first time. The unexpected feeling of choosing to give my heart to another person and accepting their heart into mine. The responsibility that comes from precariously balancing on the edge of the knowledge that you have been entrusted with something more special than you’ve ever been trusted with before. We spend a lot of time in life Chasing this First Love, working to replicate it and reproduce it so that we may once again go from ignorance and into the light of the First time.

For me it’s been about Chasing Ray, who is it for you? Is one first more important that another? Are there any firsts that can be reproduced? What is the first that you are chasing?

Love Always,

Sunny

Anything you can not relinquish when it has outlived its usefulness possesses you. – Mildred Lisette Norman

It never fails to amaze me how we can walk the streets of any city in the universe and have no idea who walks among us.  Tuesday night I had the pleasure of uncovering another of Los Angeles’ prizes amid its trove of treasures. Every Tuesday my mother and I attend KJAZZ’s Hollywood and Highland Summer Concert Series and this Tuesday we also brought my father and my cousin. We’d been hearing that, although the show doesn’t actually start until seven o’clock, people get there as early as five in order to save seats and get their glasses of wine and cheese plates provided by Project Angel Food for only $10.

So we chose to jump in our car and head down early to Hollywood and Highland thinking we may get in some shopping before the show.  As we parked and found our way toward the stage KJAZZ sets up in the middle of the shops we, along with many other fans, abandoned our idea of shopping and were drawn instead to watch the Sound Check that was happening almost two hours before the actual show would begin.

The first thing I noticed was the music this group was practicing wasn’t entirely jazz, wasn’t entirely swing, wasn’t entirely funk and wasn’t entirely R&B, rather it was a mixture of everything and the sound was enough to cause your ears to perk up in the contentment of being treated to something delectable.  As you know, I love music that is a mixture of everything, hence my love affair with Lydia Caesar and Kel Spencer and J-Harris, so I was immediately in my own private slice of Heaven.

The second thing I noticed was that the group, which I later found out was called The Downtown Project, was an array of talent.  My eyes could barely take in the scene before me as I scoped out  Paul E. Allen and DJ Jonny Boy along with the other members of their band with Elijah Rock squarely in the middle, at the mic on a square of stage that he would be able to tap on.

Yes, for the second time in my life I enjoyed  watching the lead singer not only sing but tap while he sang.

In fact, he did this incredible thing where he would tap out a rhythm and his drummer would reply by beating out the rhythms on his Congas in reply. They did this back and forth until the drummer finally relented that he couldn’t keep up with Elijah’s tapping. This man is a musical genius and talented in more ways than I can even begin to imagine and the show was only beginning.

I’m way ahead of myself so back to things I noticed.

The third thing I noticed.

Even at Sound Check Elijah Rock looked amazing and it was easy to tell he was stylish and would be easy on the eyes when it came time for him to get into his performance clothes.  During sound check Elijah led the group through getting all their keys right and the sound for each of the mics and the instruments and… Okay…you know I have no idea what I’m talking about and have no ear for music but I know enough to know that I was immediately entranced and it was only sound check. Back to that third thing and Elijah Rock. We never left our seats after sound check and when The Downtown Project came out led by Elijah Rock singing his rendition of Minnie the Moocher we immediately got to our feet and began groovin’ to the music these performers were providing for us.

The Downtown Project is truly a unique mix of talent and energy and for both sets we were singing and dancing along and Elijah Rock in his  three-piece suit and matching hat led the audience through an array of sounds as well as tapped, danced and gave reverence to his amazing horn section, his drummer and his keyboardist. It was an experience you definitely do not want to miss so I suggest you check this talented group out, find out where they’re playing next and make sure you’re there in time for Sound Check!

Love Always,
Sunny

Image by CR Artist via Flickr

Dear Uncle Sam,

On this very important day in history there are so many things people are celebrating and so many ways people will celebrate. On this beloved day many are swept away with the love and honor and recognition they have for their country and for the many men and women who have paved the way for America to be on the journey that it is today. For that we are thankful.

For some there is a certain romanticism that comes along with this day. Something about it tugs at our heart strings and we see it as a celebration of the beginning of a new journey for our country and wonder about new beginnings for the journey of our heart.

This page from A New Leaf is a perfect illustration of the thoughts of romance Fourth of July can bring.

This morning Alana and I got up for an Independence Day picnic at our Pastor’s house.  After we picked up my godson Kevin we went over to our Pastor Dulin’s House.  When we walked in I saw my mentors Michael and Destiny.  Destiny just found out on Monday she’s ten weeks pregnant and although she hadn’t made an official announcement yet she’s shared that information with me.  I gave her a hug and patted her still flat stomach with a wink.  This led her into a laugh as I moved on to hug her husband Michael.

I secretly grinned to myself hoping that their second child would be a boy.  Michael and Destiny are both from Atlanta, a petite, very brown skinned couple.  They’d had a baby girl, named Malaysia about five years ago and she turned out to be a perfect combination of the two of them.  But at four years old she stands at the same height as most two year olds, which is okay for a girl but I couldn’t help but wonder how it would be for a little boy.  Still, Malaysia is Daddy’s little princess and a younger brother may be just what she needs to toughen her up a little.

“I gotta talk to you.” I clapped my hands together and looked at them both with a smile reserved only for Michael and Destiny when I was working to contain excitement.

“A new contender huh?” Michael shook his head.

“I like him.” I acknowledged, shrugging a little but unable to suppress a smile.

Michael raised his eyebrows, his eyes a mixture of curiosity and disbelief.  “Get a plate and come sit with us.”

I moved towards the table of food and fixed a plate for Kevin to sit with Pastor Dulin’s granddaughter and took my plate over to where Michael and Destiny had pushed three chairs slightly away from the main table everyone else was enjoying the bar-be-qued food.  I sat down and hunched my shoulders in giddy anticipation over what I was about to tell them and then prayed over my food.   I looked up into their anxiously curious faces and began,

“Total opposite of me.  Quiet to my loud, introverted to my extroverted, laidback to my high strung, slow to my fast—“

“Got it Nya.” Destiny cut me off using her hand gesture to encourage me to continue.

I launched into a breakdown of the past day and how I’d fallen for Stephan in just a few conversations.  As I talked I rubbed my right thumb over the top of my left thumb, feeling slightly nervous as I admitted for the first time aloud how much I believed Stephan could be the man for me.

“He fits every single description of the perfect man I’ve ever created.  And you guys know as well as I do I’ve created a list that only allows one man to qualify.”

“Is he The One?” Michael asked

I nodded, letting the silence of the truth settle over us.  Although Michael was referring to the One as being the qualifier of my list, seriousness settled over us as if I had just answered that he might be the one person I want to marry.  Michael and Destiny are one of few people I’ve shared the truth about my singleness with.  Despite constant denial through my words and through my actions, I’m extremely lonely. I believe the Lord has commissioned one person for me as my soulmate and that when the Lord is ready He will reveal that person to me as well as reveal me to that person. Despite my deeply embedded faith I’m starting to feel like Sarah waiting on a word from God, all the while feeling the urgency of my increasing age start to weigh heavily on my mind.

“Well Nya, what do you plan to do?” Destiny inquired further.

“Just ride it our for right now I guess.  He took a supposed friend home with him to take to his brother’s wedding.  He’ll be home day after tomorrow so I’ll just expect to hear from him then.  I’m sure we’ll just play the game for awhile and then we’ll see.”  I shrugged like I didn’t care although I knew it was written all over my face how badly I needed their advice.

“Not if you’re serious.”  I cocked my head and raised one eyebrow listening to Michael.  “If you’re serious about this you’re gonna talk to him when he comes back this weekend.  Tell him how you feel and what you want from him.  Don’t make promises you can’t keep but do talk to him, tell him what he can expect from a relationship with you.”

I nodded as I usually do when listening to the advice of my college mentors.  I looked towards Destiny to see what she had to contribute.

“Ny, you just went through all that junk of being with that boy from Missouri and I just want to make sure you’re not setting yourself up again to be hurt.  But you’ve gotta remember part of the reason that mess went on for so long is because you both played too many games, told too many lies. Don’t be unfair to Stephan or yourself by starting this off with a bunch of games and lies. Although times are gonna come up when you feel like reverting back to the silly games, and although there will be a point in your relationship when you’ll have to test to see how much of yourself you can trust with him, the best thing you can do for now and for the future is to start things off real.  If you play games now you’ll play them all through out.  Tell him the truth about everything now Ny, while you’re still giving him a chance to accept you for who you are.  I have never, in all the years I’ve known you seen you be real, honest and open with a man in your life.  It’s time that you share the true you with someone, especially if you believe this man has been ordained by the Lord for you.”

Once again these two have dropped enough knowledge on me to last a lifetime.  Through them I’ve decided what I need to do.  Suddenly Saturday seemed too far away.  I got up to throw my now empty plate away and check on Kevin, thanking them both with a light kiss on the cheek.  It was getting to be late afternoon and we needed to get the spot in the park where we were watching the fireworks before dusk or we’d never find one.  Before I packed Kevin up to get ready to leave I asked Sister Dulin if I could use the phone inside the house.  Upon her admission I ducked inside and dialed Stephan’s cell number.  His phone picked up on the first ring signaling it was turned off so I hung up without leaving a message.  I would try back later but if I left a message that would have to be the end of my ability to call without him thinking I had Stage 5 Clinger tendencies.

As the fireworks started and I held Kevin in my lap I watched the couples around me.  Amerie sat with my frat brother’s arms wrapped around her and despite the gushing she’d been doing over Stephan a few days before she seemed genuinely content with her head resting against his chest.  To my right sat Destiny and Michael, equally as content in just being together.  Michael caught my eye and gave me a half smile.  I directed my attention upward not wanting to interrupt any special moments between couples.  Only, as the sky lit up with an amazingly arranged brilliance of purples, golds, reds, and blues, it was not the sky dancing with fire I watched.  Instead, I visualized a replay of my interactions with Stephan and became more amazed by the electricity I saw generated there.

Up until two days ago I’d been unwilling to let any man have any kind of special role in my life other than my best friend.  I still wasn’t willing to let just any man in, yet as I sat with the electric sky above me and the grassy knoll beneath me I could almost feel Stephan’s thick arms around me and the scent of his Mamba cologne.  I imagined him whispering subtleties in my ear and promises he would protect me.  I imagined myself as bone of his bone, flesh of his flesh promising to protect him and stand by his side until death do us part.

Love Always,

Sunny

Naturally when I broke up with my boyfriend I lay in bed listening to Allure “All Cried Out”, eating ice cream and reading It’s Called a Breakup Because it’s Broken and I used your amazing words of wisdom to get me through what otherwise could have been a very difficult time of life. In fact, you are the reason I was able to take trips with my boyfriend and his family and his new girlfriend (who would, within 9 short months become the mother of his child and his future wife) even after the breakup. It’s the reason I didn’t go flying back to Los Angeles with my tail between my legs ravished with grief and unable to go on. It’s the reason I was able transform myself into a hot, happening Superfox and get a jump on the better, brighter future that awaits. All for which I so graciously thank you for.

Only one question remains: Does having him as an ex-boyfriend automatically make him my new best friend?

When breaking up it’s so cliche to hear all the things that are expected from one party or the other to say during the breakup:

1. It’s not you, it’s me.

2. I’ll always love you, I’m just not in love with you anymore.

3. It’s not that I don’t won’t to work on us, it’s just that I need to work on me for awhile. You know, find myself again.

4. I just need some space.

5. You deserve someone better.

and of course:

6. I still want to be friends.

Here’s the thing with that. Most of these things are just feel good statements that allow us to nod and feel peaceful about the amicable and mature way we’ve ended our relationship. It has so much to do with looking good for the other person and although these are the natural responses it’s rare to hear:

1. It’s not me, it’s you, it just took me this long to realize it and now that I have I’m clear that there’s no way I’ll be able to keep my life tied to yours for another minute.

2. I no longer love you and never was in love with you.

3. You have consumed my life and robbed me of my ability to be myself. I have spent so much time running behind you I don’t even know where you end and I begin anymore.

4. I’m tired of you being in my space you Stage 5 Clinger!

5. I deserve someone better.

and of course:

6. It’s ridiculous to think we’ll be able to be friends after we’ve spent the last 6 years sleeping together, seeing each other naked, making empty promises to one another, buying a car, two dogs and a Brownstone in Brooklyn together. Yet, we’ll make several attempts and it will often be awkward and uncomfortable and the pain will be more searing than a hot poker in the eye. We’ll continue to attempt until it gets to the point of ridiculousness because neither one of us will be able to admit we can’t be friends.

Right? I’m just sayin’.

So, I’ve been thinking about this alot and why not say what’s there? Why not speak the truth which is that you are my ex-boyfriend, you are in a category of men that few others are and you’re not going to be able to just easily meld into the category with my many male friends who have never seen me naked, never met my mother, never promised anything to me and never purchased anything with me.

Why not just nod and shake hands at the end of the relationship and go our separate ways, I mean really go our separate ways. Instead, what I notice happens is the effort to remain friends becomes so intense that there’s a constant strain on there being any kind of a relationship. It’s like you move from being ex-boyfriend to new best friend which on some levels makes sense because this is a person who knows you better than most people on the planet yet makes no sense at all because now you’re in a position to be around your EX-boyfriend more than you’re around most people on the planet.

I’m just having such a difficult time seeing the logic on why we feel the need to surround ourselves with someone who has made a choice not to be with you and who will find someone else to take your place in his bed, in his heart and in his life. What do you think? Are you best friends with an ex? Do you think exes can be friends? Should be friends? Is it acceptable to just part ways without creating a friendship once you’ve broken up?

Love Always,

Sunny

At the Heart of Things by Nathan Jalani Taylor

Dear Heartbreak,

It’s amazing how easily I could dismiss the love that was lost as not meant to be but the heartbreak that continues to cling on seems inevitable. For some odd reason it was so easy to accept that the love just wasn’t what I thought the love was and even easier to accept that the heartbreak should be exactly what I thought it to be. I can’t help but wish that you would have given me my heart back before you broke it, leaving me with only the love that filled my heart.

A year ago my committed long-term relationship turned a corner and began on a direction that would take two lovers far from one another. We hadn’t hit rock bottom yet, although it was quickly becoming clear that the bottom was falling out of this thing. A man with whom I once laid beside in bed countless hours planning a future with, thinking about children and houses and flowing white wedding dresses followed by a tropical honeymoon that would bear the fruit of our fun was quickly walking out of my life and along with him went his love, went each promise, went the forever I’d planned on for so long. His departure left behind my heartbreak and in the beginning I was so ratcheted with pain all I could see was the love that I was losing, the misery I would forever be left to endure.

In denial I thought, I’ll find love again, love will find me again. Surely this is not the end, quite possibly it is simply a new beginning. To my surprise it has been a year and in that year I’ve stumbled upon the heartbreak again and again, always finding a new level of pain, a new relationship to the hurt or a new way to numb the presence of emptiness that resides where love once lay. To my surprise the love has not been lost.

Even when I don’t want to admit it I can’t help but notice that when I speak about him I have to remind myself to put EX in front of the word boyfriend that had become such a familiar reference when including him in my conversation. I can close my eyes and turn the other way and it doesn’t change the way my heart patters when he walks in the room, the way I almost call him when I come across something in life I once would have so naturally shared with him. I still think I’m faxing him when I think of him and he calls later that evening, I still think he looks so handsome all dressed up and ready for the next step he’s embarking upon along his journey of life. I laugh to myself and eventually out loud as I think about football discussions we’ve had, draft picks we totally disagree on and game plays we are in complete agreement against the ref about.

Which brings me back to my original thought: Is Love Ever Really Lost?

I would venture to say that there’s more to the saying “It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.” because loving only feels like losing and losing only seems like defeat. In reality, the love I have for you has just been carefully folded into a tiny little box, stored away in order for us to separately blaze new trails in life, to do what it takes in order that we would not be left as the house by the side of the road, the house that stands alone.

I still dream you, I still cry out for you when the pain is so intense it seems only you have the remedy, I still turn to you when life gets so hard only you can understand the words that aren’t spoken, the voice that has yet to emerge past the depths of the pain life inflicts. You are not my only love, you are not even my first love, life has been full of love of all kinds and people have come and borrowed my love, returned my love, abused my love, tripled my love and given me love and yet in all of that I am quite sure that love has never been lost. Stored away like winter  clothes when the first blossom of spring has sprung and at times forgotten about but never lost.

I loved you then and  I’ll love you always.

Love Always,

Sunny

Thank you for the release of your seventh album. I’ve been listening to you for the last 15 years and as I anxiously awaited The Remedy I couldn’t help but be excited because I knew it was going to be different than The Babymaking Project in that this would be designed to be a return to the Jagged Edge I grew up on, the Jagged Edge of the 90′s that had folks Getting Married, Making Promises and Saying Goodbye.

There has been no disappointment since the album has been released and I’ve listened nonstop. As I do with every album I started out by listening to the album front to back and then I’ve slowly gone back through and picked out my favorites. Baby and Flow Through My Veins are the singles so I saved listening to those for last, wanting to hear all the songs I haven’t heard and I have quickly fallen in love with the other 10 songs on the album.

From the Intro I had that romantic feeling that only Jagged Edge can invoke with their music. In this moment of listening romanticism feels the air and it doesn’t matter who you’re with or what you say, they are going to be the one you love and words of love are going to flow from your lips. In this moment as I’m listening to the album with some of my closest friends I turn to a man I’ve loved for years and I say, “You’re very hard to please.” to which he replies “Knowing that about me you should also know that I’ve only ever found you to be perfect.”.

That’s just the Intro.

The next song Love On You speaks to the depths of a love being offered. It opens with Brandon explaining:

If you want love and you need it quick I’m the one to call on.

It’s a true love ballad and as a woman there’s a deep feeling that comes from knowing that your man is thinking about holding you down and thinks about that even in the midst of his big dreams and planning his life. In fact, you fit right in. All the while knowing that at the end of the day it’s those arms you’ll curl up in and experience the love and comfort of his love.

I tried to stay away from the singles and save them for last but Flow Throw My Veins just keeps calling me. This is my favorite song so far and I absolutely love the video. It reminds me of exactly what it is to spend a day with those JE Boyz. Jagged Edge has a way of complimenting women in a way that few other R&B groups have mastered and that’s exactly what this song does. I mean who doesn’t want to be called a Love Angel?

At night I sleep next to an angel/She is that to me, so heavenly/ The most amazing creature I’ve ever seen/She’s lovin’ me from every angle/ She don’t ever miss a spot/She flows through my body like water/ If she’s near me I’m on her

Your heart is pumping mine too/I feel so connected to you/You’re all I dream/you’re all I need.

The Boyz get to the heart of every woman with this song. It is truly for everybody who got that somebody and feels like they’re just a part of you. They invoke the image of being so close You flow through his veins like water. What woman wouldn’t swoon over that. I’m immediately filled with visions of this song playing while I’m getting engaged.

My Girl is the next song and this along with Never Meant to Lead You On speaks to the growth of Jagged Edge. They’ve been doing R&B for the last 15 years, they each have a couple kids and it goes without saying they’ve broken a few hearts along the way. These songs take on the maturity of their ways as they acknowledge any mistakes and also acknowledge the beauty and the Grace of the women they’ve been with.

In My Girl volumes are spoken about what it takes to look up and realize your own stupidity has kept you from the woman of your dreams. Suddenly your faced with the reality there’s no one to blame but yourself and it’s up to you to do what it takes to get her back, if she’ll have you.

I’ll tell the world/She’s forever my girl/ I never met a girl like this before/I wasn’t ready when I met her/ I was way too busy clubbin’ and sowin’ oats and now I’m back to take you home/ I’m back to claim what was mine and if you ready girl let’s not waste any time.

In Never Meant to Lead You On Brandon freely admits to the same mistake so many men have made with good women in their lives. Being selfish, a little self-centered, an emotional cripple. There has been a man in the life of every woman who has spent some time growing up and this growing out of some things. A man who needed your comfort but didn’t want commitment. A man who said all the things you wanted to hear and didn’t mean a thing. I thank Jagged Edge for righting the wrongs of so many and using those amazing voices to make the amends many women have been waiting for.

Jagged Edge’s 7th album has been all that it’s promised. It’s a Remedy of past situations, a Remedy to soften the hearts of all who hear it and a Remedy in the lives of many couples who walked down the aisle with Jagged Edge and made their first, second and this child with Jagged Edge. These Boyz continue to have a dominion over being love makers and baby makers all in the same album. No matter what stage of life you’re in, who you have and who you don’t have this is The Remedy.

Love Always,
Sunny

I thank you for digging back into 75 years worth of history and taking a concept that was amazing and didn’t quite work out the first time and transforming it into something that has worked since 2003 and works amazing! Women are slowly catching onto the concept of the Diva Cup and I invite you to catch on sooner rather than later. I can not believe I have lived with such a monthly inconvenience for the past 15 years or so when there is this nifty little invention out there to make my life comfortable, easy, stress-free and clean for all 30 to 31 days of the month.

Growing up there was this Tampons commercial that used to come on and for some reason the volume of the commercial ran louder than the rest of the television shows so that you would be causally watching television or even just have the television running when suddenly you would hear:

YOU KNOW I CAN’T GO SWIMMING, OF COURSE I HAVE THE CURSE!

In absolute chagrin and embarrassment I would turn to my mother, masterfully avoiding my father’s eyes and beg her to turn the television off until the commercial was over. The commercial was actually a new tampons commercial inviting women to switch from the blood-soaked mattress pads they’d traditionally been sitting upon to stuffing absorbent wads of tissue up their hoo-hoo for four to six hours. The end result? Of course you could go swimming…even though you do have the curse.

Awful right? Thus, I’ve always had this sort of stigmatization around my menstrual cycle. Yes, I go swimming, but only after checking that my tampon is securely in place and only for about an hour before I get out and switch it out, all the while wondering and doing my best to casually check that the string hasn’t fallen out the side of my suit and is now floating beside me in the water. I also typically go 4-6 days without wearing white, you know, just in case.  Last summer I went to a White Party and was the only one in a red dress with white shoes, and a white belt, doing my best to convince everyone that you only had to have something white on, not be wearing all white.  As if…I saw many women nod in sympathetic and private understanding that night. Not taking any chances.

I’ve bought box after box after box of tampons, having long ago stopped sitting upon mattress pads as a way of absorbency. I’ve put in a Super Tampon designed to last a couple hours on a heavy flow day and leaked all over my mother’s sofa cushion in 30 minutes, horrified as I tried to devise a plan with my sister-in-law in which I could stand up slyly while she quickly flipped the cushion so as to avoid having to explain anything to the party of people present.

Then I was at dinner a couple weeks ago with a couple girlfriends, one of whom came back from an incredibly long line at the bathroom and all she’d had to do was privately check she wasn’t leaking into her white pants. When she came back and explained her dilemma our other girlfriend simply said two words,

Diva Cup.

Mystified I listened to her explain this age-old invention that’s been hiding from women for years and even currently is only being used by the adventurous few who dare to part with their fluid-soaked security pads and wads of tissues. I too, was not easily enrolled into the idea although I did acknowledgment I would be willing to talk to my doctor, see what he suggested, hear from a few others and possibly buy one.

A week later I’m sitting at the Yankees baseball game in the same exact conversation around the Diva Cup. Another friend of mine is a tried and true believer of this new, but old invention for women. This time I was convinced. It was becoming like an Underground Railroad System, it’s the truest and most reliable way to freedom, yet you have to know someone who knows someone in order to get access to what it’s really all about and at the end of the day it’s up to you, do I travel down the road or not?

I traveled and I am IN LOVE! I bought the nifty, very small device with it’s adorable bag (I still am a woman who is a sucker for a cute bag) and I read and reread the directions twice, and then one more time. Finally, I sat on the edge of my toilet, just like the diagram, and I inserted and literally inhaled when it dropped into place and I couldn’t feel a thing! I was on my period and yet I was comfortable! Determined to put it to the true test I put on my white panties and my white pants and I went out for the evening.

Guess what?

Nothing, not a drop. 12 HOURS later. Yup, I said 12 I pulled it out after having the most relaxing day on my period I’ve ever had and laughed out loud with satisfaction as I threw away my boxes of tampons and thought about the money saved by never having to buy them again!

I am a true Diva Cup lover. I never thought I’d say that and I am. Don’t take my word for it, try it today. They have a disposable version at most drug stores that has a pack of ten and lasts for 10 hours and then you throw it in the trash. That may be the way to ease into it. It’s just like when you switch from glasses to contacts or even making the switch from the Mattress Pad to the Tampon, you feel a bit squeamish at first, it takes some getting used to and once you are you can’t imagine ever going back.

Love Always,

Sunny

I want to share something with you that I know at times you are vastly unaware of: NOT EVERY WOMAN WANTS TO MARRY YOU! I love my male counterparts but so often they walk through life interacting with every woman as if she only sees him in visions of being down on one knee with an overpriced piece of jewelry extended towards her as friends and family surround them cheering and clapping. Therefore, it doesn’t matter what we say they treat us like we’re trapping them into marriage.

“Wanna get together for drinks?” must mean “Should we have two kids or three?”

“I have movie passes, want to come?” has to mean “I think I’ll wear white at our wedding even though I’m no longer a virgin.”

“Are you interested in coming with group of us to Miami?” suddenly says “I’m scoping out Honeymoon destinations for the two of us.”

It’s just ridiculous to me that women have tiptoe around what they say, how they say it and how often they say it lest they be labeled Stage 5 Clinger. It’s like there is no actual friendship stage with men, they automatically put us in the category of She’s-Holding-My-Future-Hostage. I have many, many, MANY male friends and I love each and every one of them and sometimes my stomach turns and I just want to reach across the table and smack the male pretentiousness off their face when they describe their experiences with women to me.

A couple nights ago I was at dinner with a Friend and we got on the conversation of dating and the dating world and he (because he can) began explaining to me that I can come off as Stage 5 Clinger. Openly, I listened our conversation turned toward the different expectations men and women have in friendships and we compared our visions for a friendship.

Mine went something like this:

I’ll be walking in the door of my apartment wearing a cantelope-colored shirt and brown slacks. My shoes are gold, open-toed heels and I have on a few slight bracelets, both my gold necklaces and all seven hoops in my ears. My work bag is slung over my shoulder and I have on a light jacket. I pull out my keys and shift my bag slightly so I can rest the phone between my shoulder and my ear. I’m on the phone with you and I’m sharing my day with you. It’s what I do every day and as I share with you I’m laughing, listening intently, sharing openly and contributing openly to you in our conversation.There’s nothing I can’t say and there’s nothing I have to say. Talking to you is as much a part of my day as fixing dinner, writing, reading, working and playing. A day without you wouldn’t be complete, whether it’s for two minutes or two hours. You are the someone with whom I travel with, hang out going to games and watching games with, brunch on Sunday mornings, trying new restaurants, running in the park on Saturday mornings. With you I do something or nothing at all and it is the best part of my life. It’s been a year and I know you, who you are and who you aren’t and who I am for you is that person you get to be you with, completely, unfiltered, nothing between us. With you I get and give the unabridged version of life, nothing unsaid, nothing undone. I know you well enough to hear what you say and hear what you don’t say, to me you are special. I’m at my best with you whether it’s my best day or my worst. It’s been a year and you get me, you listen to me, you hear me and to you I am special.

His vision:

I was thinking dinner next Wednesday Night.

What are your thoughts? Stage 5 Clinger or just a really fantastic friend? Do men have it like every woman is trying to drag him down the aisle or is that just our perspective? Is there even such a thing as men and women being friends?

Love Always,

Sunny